Lies we tell our kids

Tonight Son came downstairs 15 minutes after being tucked in with a familiar complaint in his arsenal of bedtime hold-ups. This is a hard one to handle because it is about a real issue--unlike requests for a third drink, or claims that he can't sleep because daddy didn't send me up to kiss him, after I'd sent daddy up, after I'd already done the first tuck. Tonight the issues was teeth brushing. Occasionally, like tonight when I'm doing bedtime alone with both kids as Husband had to stay late at work, we forget to brush Son's teeth in all the flurry of Daughter's bottle, diapers, lotion, jammies, and so on. Son NEVER forgets, though, thanks to the story he learned at preschool from a visiting performer who gave the kids extensive lessons in tooth care. It has apparently been seared into Son's mind that if he doesn't brush his teeth every single night, the Cavity Monster will come and pound holes in his teeth. Not just if he doesn't brush for weeks in a row. Not just if he is generally lazy about mouth care. But if he doesn't brush tonight, the Monster will show up as soon as he falls asleep tonight and terrorize his poor little mouth. This is pretty scary for a kid who spent several weeks about a year ago waking up crying with worry about monsters, one who himself has a stuffed monster that he occasionally requires me to display around his room so that the "invisible monsters" will know he has a protector by him all night, one who takes comfort from the story we have which clearly pictures monsters as lurking under one's bed because his bed has no frame but sits flat on the floor leaving no room for monsters underneath. And so, when he appears with a quivering lip and tears in his eyes to tell me in a whimpering voice that "you forgot something; you forgot to brush my teeth...and the Cavity Monster will come," I have to jump up and right this wrong. It's not that I'm that worried about this teeth (bad Mommy) but that I hate the idea that he will be too scared to sleep well.

And this incident has me thinking tonight about the lies we tell our kids. As far as I can tell, they fall into three main categories:

Lies to make things more fun...
"I have no idea what we'll find at the end of this treasure hunt"
"Santa Claus flies around the whole world in one night with the help of his flying reindeer to bring children like you presents once a year"
...which mostly mean we enjoy creating surprises to watch the joy on their faces.

Benevolent or protective lies...
"Only policemen are allowed to have guns, so that they can protect you from bad guys"
"Your birdy flew away to be free and join all the other birdies playing in the trees"
"I don't know why that lady is crying"
...which mostly mean we want to shield them from the uglier things in life as long as we can.

And lies to scare the bejeepers out of them or threaten/bribe them....
"Children who don't eat their vegetables aren't strong enough to be able to ride a bicycle"
"If you don't brush your teeth, the Cavity Monster will come a pound holes in them"
...which mostly mean we can't think of any better way to get them to do what we want.

As you've probably guessed, I feel pretty conflicted about these scary lies. This isn't a matter of cut-and-dried principle. Santa is coming to our house in a few weeks. I've sheltered Son more than once from the idea that grown-ups--even parents--can die. He knows vaguely what death is; we have a fish tank. But I really don't see the need to suggest to him yet that he could lose his own parents. I see the value of many of the lies we tell our kids, for all sorts of reasons. On the other hand, do we really need to scare them to the point of tears to get them to brush those perfect, sweet, tiny little teeth? Mightn't there be a better way? And how do we tell before we scare the pants off them what lies are "worth it" and which ones aren't? I have no answers, only questions on this one. Input anyone?