Birthday Party Excess

You may have heard about--or even seen--the TV show My Super Sweet 16, which is designed to invite viewers to make fun of its participants and their extravagant Arabian Nights theme birthday parties. It's an MTV Reality show about super-rich girls that follows them as they prepare for and live through that biggest of milestone days, their 16th birthday. A recent installment -- Amanda, whose parents spent $203,000 on a Hawaiian themed party. Reality check: a lot of the "stars" of other episodes probably made fun of poor Amanda and that paltry party, since their parties cost in the millions. Seriously.

I find the concept for this show pretty abhorrent on lots of levels. Of course, there's the rampant consumerism of said party, which seems to be precisely what we're supposed to love to hate as we watch this show. And there's the requisite disgustingly spoiled-brat moment in every episode, apparently, judging by the quotations one can find on almost any web page that mentions the show. To wit:

"Sophie gets what Sophie wants, and Sophie is always right" --episode 207

I haven't actually seen the show, just trailers for it (so sue me, I have opinions about pop culture things I haven't fully experienced), but there is something horrifying about the fact that the show, on MTV remember, is supposed to appeal to the high-school set which--last time I checked--doesn't have the greatest grasp of irony or careful reflection ever known to humans. Which is to say, that while it's supposedly obvious that the show is an exercise in the value of humility and the grossness of such excess, it has spawned websites that celebrate the show itself. I found, with almost no effort, one site whose main page headline declares in bold pink (of course) letters: These Girls Got It Right! Which leaves me, really, speechless.

It's too obvious to chastise the over-expenditure and narcissistic sense of entitlement of the show's teenagers. What about the larger question of the self-esteem of a generation of girls? We may choose to write off the ones whose parents throw them such parties as a spoiled minority. (Though that doesn't make their sense that only excess can make them happy any less tragic.) But what about the larger cultural trend in which this show partakes? I worry about children and teenagers developing a feeling of entitlement, a self-assessment of their own accomplishments, that often far outstrips their abilities (or wallets). And I worry about the opposite too--kids who learn to assume that anything that isn't expensive is worthless, and who lump themselves into that category because they don't come from money. This is not to make one of those irresponsibly sweeping pronouncements of dismay over "the state of today's generation." But rather to question how a child is ever supposed to develop an accurate self-assessment when her world is full of the excess exemplified by these birthday parties.

It's particularly mind-boggling because apparently 16 is not a magic age for this excess (except in TV land, which needs hooks like this). There are parents out there who are willing to pay $4,000 or $6,000 or even $10,000 for their kids' birthday parties. Four-year-old birthday parties. (Don't believe me? Check out this jaw-dropping article on insanely expensive kids' parties from MSN Money.) Birthday parties in which troops of clowns and herds of ponies parade the kids around from one food station to the next and supervise them on carnival rides. Or whatever.

Now, I get that $4000 is not $2.1 million. I have a reasonable grasp of basic math. But I still think that a four year old doesn't need a party like that. I want my kids each to grow up with a strong and sturdy sense of self-esteem. I want them to know that I love them. And I do think that a fabulously memorable birthday party might be one marker of that love for them. But I also think I can do that for about $150, including pizza for a reasonable batch of kids (say, 10) and their parents.

So, in the spirit of not just being all snide about excess, Mommy's Martini is dubbing this Birthday Party Week. We have these parties on the brain right now, since Son turns 4 in less than two weeks. I'm hoping the mommies here will offer lots of creative ideas and fun tips...and anyone who comes by to comment will throw in another $.02 worth. Creative, kooky, or anything that comes to mind. What makes a truly great birthday party?