Home AboutBest Of Reviews Subscribe BlogrollTwitter



Monday, February 18, 2008

The Monday After Laundry Day

You know that feeling? The one where you've lost a little bit of weight, say five or seven pounds, and you put on your pants in the morning, and you suddenly think "Hold the phone! These are easier to button than they used to be!" -- so you smile at your self in the bathroom mirror, and all day long you walk around with a little bit more spring in your step. And then the next day, the same thing happens, with different pants. And by the end of the week, you're all **hApPy DaNcInG** around the house because it really is true, all of your pants are a little bit looser. Not enough looser that you can justify a shopping spree or anything, but enough looser that YOU can feel the difference. So the weekend comes around and you get a little crazy and think, "today, I'm not just going to do five loads of kid laundry and sheets and daycare blankets; I'm going to do my clothes too." Nutty. But you think you deserve to wear something that's actually freshly washed instead of something that came out of the heap of not-just-out-of-the-drier but not-dirty-enough-to-need-washing stuff that sits on your closet floor. Because once you've worn them once, the corduroys [how do you spell that word? I had to ask spell check] aren't clean enough to hang on a nice wooden hanger next to your work slacks, but they aren't exactly dirty, so why waste natural resources washing them? So you make a neat stack of mom clothes like this, and you rotate through them, until they become a towering mountain, and then you think you've probably worn all of them enough to justify washing them even if they don't have visible yogurt handprints on them. Obviously those pants are already in the laundry basket; you DO have standards. So you do two extra loads of laundry, humming all the while in the one pair of looser blue jeans that you've kept out of the pile to wear today, feeling practically skinny. And you are so motivated that you even fold or hang up everything. And the next day, you weigh yourself and -- yep. still true. still down six pounds -- and you go to get dressed. And you smile again as you stand in front of rows of clean, hip mom pants--because when you are suddenly feeling thin, mommy pants instantly become hip mom pants--neatly hanging on their hangers, just waiting for you to choose which pair will make you feel the most trim today at the playplace. So you pick the khaki green ones that you swear look just like something you saw Jennifer Aniston wearing once in that photo in US Weekly where she was striding through the airport all cool in her chunky black sunglasses, and you pull them on, still humming, and -- Hold the phone! They feel a little snug. And you button them. But not with effortless ease. And you look around you in a panic, and there's no one there to explain. And you look at the mute row of jeans and cords, meekly hanging on their wooden hangers. And then it hits you: they are CLEAN. Freshly laundered. Dried in the dryer. Shrunk back to their original size rather than the all stretched out and comfy size they get when they've been worn 3 or 4 or 29 times since the last washing. You know that feeling? That crushing feeling of realization: "OH. My ass isn't smaller. My pants are just stretched out." That feeling? I've given that feeling a name, and it is The Monday After Laundry Day.

But then you remember it's supposed to be a Make Me Laugh Monday. A cheerful sort of morning. And you don't want that ass in the graphic laughing AT your ass. So you take off the pants again and run to the scale and -- yep. still true. still down six pounds -- so you laugh, you LAUGH, you laugh at those pants. And you put them back on. And you do five deep knee bends--the kind with your butt sticking way out behind to loosen up the fabric. And you stick your hands into your waistband and pull out as hard as you can. And you wiggle and bend and stretch...and then...ahhhhh....could it be true? Are these pants a little looser than they were a few weeks ago? Yes, you think they could be. So you unbutton them and button them again to make sure. Yep, the buttoning is easier. And you smile a little to yourself in the mirror, and you go on downstairs to make yourself some coffee. Laughing all the way.

24 comments:

A Mom Two Boys said...

What?! Pants stretch out? I don't just get skinnier? Damn!

You definitely had me laughing imagining you doing "deep knee bends." I wonder if the real you looks anything like the you in my head. Do you have a picture on your site?

Yay for Make Me Laugh Monday!

MommyTime said...

Thanks so much for coming by and laughing with me! Here are the only real pics of me on this site. Hope they match your mental picture. :)

MultiplesMommy said...

Hmmm. You make it sounds as though you don't ALWAYS do deep knee bends when you get dressed. Isn't that part of the ritual? I know it's part of MY ritual. One leg. Two legs. Deep bend. Wiggle. Wiggle. Pull the waistband. Shake, shake, shake...I feel a song coming on...

Bananas said...

UGH I totally know the Monday after laundry day feeling. Also the Monday after too-much-fudge-margaritas-and-chips-all-weekend feeling.

Love it!

Dragonstar said...

This post is absolute perfection! I can so relate!!!
Thanks for the laugh.

MIQuilter said...

I've found a MUCH better (welll, I think it's better anyways) way to avoid this "Monday-after-laundry" feeling. Much of this winter I'd been pretty hard on myself for all the weight I've gained because every time I did laundry I had this problem. The other problem was that I only had 2 pairs pants that I could squeeze into even remotely - and right after they were laundered it was painful. So, in a bout of self-loathing I decided to scumbb to buy new pants. I went to a store that I haven't visited in... well... maybe EVER. Fashion Bug. I tried on the pants in the same size as the way tight ones at home. and LO - they were WAY bigger! They were on a huge sale because they were winter (courdory) pants and it's already out of season. I spent $33 and got FOUR pairs pants that all make me feel about a billion pounds thinner than my old pants did. This has, yet again, reinforced my notion that there are gremlins in my dryer that regularly shrink EVERYTHING passing thru it. In any case, even though I haven't actually lost weight, I'm at least not constantly obsessing over it since my pants no longer cut the circulation off to the lower 1/2 of my body. I feel much better about myself. :)

AFRo said...

Thanks for the laugh! I'm enjoying my Presidents' Day and the husband thinks I'm crazy over here cracking up every 5 minutes.

Fawn said...

Mommytime, if only I were as eloquent and witty as you, it could've totally been me writing this post! Except I've only lost 5 lbs, not 6. Way to go! ;)

Wendy said...

I still think I'm losing weight when I stretch out the SAME pants, day after day after day.....

Until that laundry day issue.

foolery said...

SO true, and SO funny.

Mr Lady said...

I couldn't relate at all until the last paragraph. because, seriously, I will not even converse with anything larger than a 10, and my ass has other plans.

Tickled Pink Designs said...

I am happy to discover Make me laugh Monday! You did just that! I have SO been there. Many congrats on the 6 lb weight loss!

SuzyQSparkles said...

When my hubby recently knocked a candle on me and the wax got all over my ONLY pair of pants that fit and he found me crying in the closet (after I'd tried on ALL my other pants, knowing they didn't fit) he MADE ME get online and order more pants from the same vendor (Newport News) that fit. I have three pair (plus the now dry-cleaned original pair) including a black and red pair! They fit! Yeah! The only trouble with this is that they are all the same style / cut / fit, so, *IF* they *HAPPEN* to rub me wrong in a certain spot on my thigh, I have to take a break from wearing them to wear something else... since I pretty much refuse sweats (unless I'm sick) then, I'm in skirts. Do you know that I think women use to have a pretty good idea with dresses / skirts... long, and forgiving! I've just moved to Wyoming and I'm finding that long skirts are not only comfortable, but they can be WARM too! Okay, enough rambling! :D

lattemommy said...

You know, I've been visiting this blog every day for a few weeks now, and every day I find my little crush on MommyTime getting a bit bigger. Now, though, I think I love you. You rock.

MommyTime said...

Dragonstar, you're welcome! And thanks for coming over and commenting too.

MIQ: I love that solution. I'll keep it in mind.

Fawn, way to go! Congratulations on the five pounds.

Wendy, tee hee. Even with the same pair? :)

SuzyQSparkles, that is an excellent solution--till you get sick of that style or something. But still, nice to have several things that fit!

MommyTime said...

LatteMommy, You just totally made my day. Since I can't draw a heart in these comments, I'll have to settle for "Latte and MommyT sittin' in a tree..." :) Have a great day!

Robin said...

Oh, my. We must have gone to the same laundry school. I have the same pile of not clean, not dirty clothes at the bottom of my closet. Now I don't feel so weird about it.

I have lost 5 pounds and have had the exact same experience! Damn dryer...what did I ever do to it. :(

Thanks for the laugh!

MommyTime said...

Damn dryer...what did I ever do to it. :(

Yes, and I might add that in addition to eating inches from my pants, it also eats socks. But only one from each pair.

lattemommy said...

You know what? Your dryer *may not* be eating your socks. I used to think my dryer ate socks, until I realized that it was only my husband's socks. Turns out that if a sock has a hole in it, he doesn't throw away the pair. Only the sock with the hole. He figures some day it will gain a mate from another pair that had a hole in only one sock. Male logic.

MommyTime said...

Latte, that is hilarious! Now that I think of it, my husband actually does the same thing. I've seen him do it. Which means that tonight when I get home from work, I can go to the pile of "socks without friends" and throw them all unceremoniously away. Hooray! Thank you. It's one of those tiny things that drives me nuts. :)

Cocoa said...

That was one of the funniest posts I've ever read. Why was it so hilarious? Because it is so true. I feel your pain.

MommyTime said...

Thanks Cocoa. Glad I could make you laugh.

Vito, Janah and Nico said...

Thank you sooo much!!! I know this is an old post, but obviously I just read it. And I HAD to comment. I think it almost made me cry. I'm not sure if it was because I laughed so hard, or I because finally realzied the truth about my clothes mound. I hate doing laundry anyway, but now I don't feel so bad because I'm not the only out there who does this!

Marinka said...

lol! While you call it The Monday After Laundry Day, I call it The Day That I Put On Husbandrinka's Pants on By Accident and Diagnosed Myself with Dramatic Weight Loss!

 

Blog Design by JudithShakes Designs.
Image Hosting by Flickr.