As the third active child in less than six years, it's amazing my mother lived to tell the tale. There were many Mom-isms that we grew up with (a goodly number of which I swore never to use on my children...and yet I have!), but a few favorites of hers that I only learned in later years were outright lies. And yet, like many a trusting child, I fell for them, hook, line and sinker. I also only realized once I was a parent myself that what she SAID and what she MEANT, were not exactly the same thing...
What she said...
1. "All the vitamins are in the crust."
2. "Santa only comes when children are sleeping."
3. "Germs thrive on sugar."
4. "Euphoria is a really special game where all the children lie on the floor, and the first to move or speak loses."
5. "The only way you're going to learn how to spell properly is if you look it up in the dictionary yourself."
What she meant...
1. "I'm sick and tired of wasting half a loaf of bread to the garbage. Eat the @*#&$! crusts!"
2. "I still have 452 presents to wrap, a doll dress to finish sewing, and stocking stuffers to pull out of thin air. Will. You. Please. Go. To. Bed."
3. "Since I can barely convince you to eat anything while you're sick, the last thing I'm going to do is endorse a candy bar over yogurt."
4. "For the love of all that is holy, will you PLEASE BE QUIET. I can't even hear myself think!"
5. "I have absolutely no idea how to spell otamatapeia. Odomatopia. Onomatopeia. Whatever."
And now, with parent-child battles of my own, I do have a greater appreciation of what she was up against. And a greater respect for the lies told so convincingly that it wasn't until I was 12, and made bread from scratch myself, that I realized the crust was made of the same stuff as the rest of the bread...
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
The Wisdom of Parents (aka, Geez, What a Sucker I Was!)
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12 comments:
Cute. My mom said number five ALL the time - now I know why.
hadn't heard of a few of those, might have to steal them when it is my time
I totally hate to burst your bubble, sweetie, but I do remember reading about some studies on this not too long ago, and here's what I learned from the Group Health Cooperative Food Quiz:
7. Crusts of bread have more nutrients than the rest of the loaf. T/F
7. True. In 2002, German researchers found that the cancer-fighting antioxidant pronyl-lysine is concentrated in bread crust. Dark-colored breads, such as pumpernickel and wheat, have more antioxidants than light-colored breads.
zoiks!
MT:
1. Clearly, the study was written by a Mom.
2. In 2002, I was 29, so Mom couldn't *possibly* have know about the study when I was 5.
So there! (tongue sticking out in tried-and-true little sister fashion)
My mom said all but number one.. I was alway eating.. probably why I was the size of a cow by the time I got to high school!! LOL
I'm not sure my mom said any of those but I'm pretty sure I'm doing a pretty good job of catching up. I have no idea where I got it from.
Thanks to all for the comments. Do you think perhaps our mothers received a phrase book at the hospital with the birth of their first child?? 'Cause I think it's really funny that so many of you heard the same one-liners growing up. At least I can find comfort in the fact that mine wasn't the only mother to lie in an effort to survive parenting!
This is a cute post - love your "translations" - so true!
I remember all of those - and yet, the only one that still mystifies me is #5. I mean, I understand the logic behind it, but how in THE HE** are you supposed to find a word in a dictionary if you don't know how to spell it?? Dictionaries are to find MEANINGS of words but you can't find it if you can't spell it.... didn't get it then, don't get it now.
(and yes, both the other sisters were "englishy" people and i'm the math geek, can't you tell?)
Aaah, we had :
Eat the crusts or your hair won't curl;
Eat your carrots, they make you see in the dark;
and the ultimate threat ...
If the wind changes, your face will stick like that.
And how many of these do I use on my four little sprats, despite practically having written a denial into my marriage vows...? Yep, you got it.
Oh that's it! I am cutting the damn crusts off my bread! Does that mean I have to actually go and buy vitamins now? Maybe that's why it never helped when I ate that loaf of bread when I was feeling jaundice-y.
I have found that BECAUSE I SAID SO, THAT'S WHY is the VISA Platinum of parenting. You can't use it right outta the gate because you haven't earned it yet . . . but after the first turn You. Are. Approved.
Why all the horse racing (mixed) metaphors I'll never know. I wasn't even a math geek.
Great post! :)
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