How Intimidated are You by Doctors?

I consider myself a reasonably articulate person. I know I am pretty good at research. I am well-educated. And yet, I find it almost impossible to confront a doctor about anything having to do with my health.

I don't mean the kind of confrontation that involves yelling, accusations, or hypochondriacal assertions that of course I have Cushings Disease (or fill in whatever inane self-diagnosis derived from cursory reading of the internet). What I mean is that I become completely tongue-tied, unable to stand my ground (or even indicate that I have any ground on which to stand firm) when I'm sitting there. It's like a disease unto itself. Or at least a syndrome that deserves a name. I don't know why this happens, but it's awful. Here are some examples of what I mean:

Obviously the Doctor Knows Better than I Do Syndrome. I had shards of glass embedded in my finger due to an unfortunate incident involving clumsy washing of some hand-blown wine goblets from Mexico. A year or two later, the glass was slowly being encased in a bigger and bigger lump of scar tissue in my finger, making it hard to bend the finger or use it properly. Mexican glass, being leaded, showed up nicely on x-rays. When the hand surgeon put up the x-ray and showed me the piece he was going to remove, I could very clearly see a second piece of glass lodged a bit higher up. "BUT," I thought, "he's a prestigious hand surgeon. Surely he has seen that speck and concluded that it wasn't glass. Obviously he knows what he is doing." So I said nothing. Eighteen months later, I had to have a second surgery to remove the other piece of glass.

Anything that Will Make the Pain Go Away is Good -- So How Could I Be Bold Enough to Suggest an Alternative? Syndrome. I was suffering from a terrible yeast infection in my nursing breasts, subsequent to Daughter's bout of thrush. I itched deep in the tissue, I had searing pains so bad after nursing that sometimes they made me cry. I did lots of research online, thinking that midwives and other lactation experts might have answers for me. I found lots of useful items. I also went to my OB's office. She couldn't see me that day, so I saw one of her partners. I explained the symptoms to him, and I told him that I was pretty sure I had a ductal yeast infection. He said, "yeast infections don't really go down into your milk ducts; they are topical things." I didn't fight him on it, even though I'd spent hours reading about this, most notably on the website of an eminent Canadian doctor who specializes in the treatment of nursing women. And as someone who had spent several years with shards of glass in her finger, I can say with authority that a ductal yeast infection feels like you have long shards of glass in your breasts -- and it's never certain exactly what will set off the slicing searing pain, but it will happen many times a day. But because I didn't say anything, this doctor gave me a prescription for an ointment, and one for a low dose of an oral medication, and sent me on my way. I had to call back a week later to talk to a nurse because things were worse not better. Finally I was brave enough to quote some of what I'd read, so they tripled the dose of oral medication, and lo! the terrible thing finally started getting under control.

If You Don't Have Something Nice to Say, Don't Say Anything At All Syndrome. I have an allergist whom I like very much as a doctor. But, I've never waited less than 45 minutes after my scheduled appointment time to see him. And the last time I was in his office, I waited an hour and a half after my appointment time to see him. I was the second appointment of the day. There was no one in anaphylactic shock anywhere in the office. And yet, I only complained to the receptionist after my appointment. She said, "Did you mention anything to him?" Of course, I had not. He must have been doing something Important, right?

I have lots of other examples, but I think the point is clear. For reasons I cannot fully explain, I am completely intimidated by the authority of a doctor. I know that it must be incredibly annoying to doctors to have people come in and try to self-diagnose courtesy of the internet, and so I try hard not to be that annoying person. But here's the thing: it's MY body. I know how it feels. I also know how to do responsible research. And I'm not a hypochondriac. So why do I find it so difficult to speak up? Why can I not say, "Every time I come to this office, I wait nearly an hour to see you, even when my appointment is first thing in the morning. What's going on?" Why can I not say, "But while you think this infection can't be where I say it is, lots of literature would indicate otherwise -- and so would my incredible pain."

Do you have this problem? If not, where does your gumption come from? And how do I get over my absurd tight-lipped, self-destructive behavior?

By the way, I WILL jump up and down if necessary on behalf of my children. It's only about myself that I get all weird and shy. And I'm NOT like this in other situations. So. Very odd. Any thoughts? How do you challenge your doctor's authority in situations where it would be not only reasonable, but prudent and useful, to do so?