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Thursday, April 24, 2008

How to Restrain a Hurricane

I apologize for the lack of anything remotely Thinky to post today.

In compensation for being utterly unable to rub enough brain cells together to think of anything intelligent -- or, really, of anything at all beyond brownies and an 8pm bedtime (both for me) -- I tried last night to think of a catchy alternative name to put over my usual brain logo. But something like "Brain Mush Thursday" or "Tired Brain Thursday" just didn't have that clever ring I was looking for.

And "The Day After Kids-Kicked-My-Ass Wednesday" really was too long. So I gave up on the logo.

I considered posting Before and After photos of my house, which I have been systematically cleaning in preparation for all the weekend festivities. There was something appealing in the perversity of posting true tidiness as Before, with After represented by the chaotic destruction of which only two cyclones bent on challenging their mother's sanity and "mine!"-ing each other to death are capable. But I didn't have the energy to take photos of the messes before making feeble attempts to clean. Chasing my children with a broom and dustpan is like chasing an actual hurricane with a broom and dustpan and assuming those tools will be sufficient to clean up the devastation left in the wake. And I spent so much time alternating between issuing time outs and nursing boo boos incurred while standing on chairs and draping selves over tippy bar stools as if our kitchen had suddenly morphed into McDonald's Playland (of course you land on your head on a tile floor when you treat a kitchen stool as a swing that you are supposed to ride on your belly) that I really don't have the energy to recall what my house looked like when it was clean. All the way back about 24 hours ago.

I'm sure you have those days. (And if you don't, please don't tell me.) The ones where, although you of course deep down still love your children, you just don't like them very much?

That was my Wednesday. They threw food at each other at lunch. They refused blatantly to obey simple instructions, emptied the contents of all of my purses, diaper bags, book bags, shopping bags, and any other container within reach all over the floor, knocked over The Pile, got in each other's way on purpose, snatched each other's toys, argued and fought, poked and prodded. As the sun finally came out after naptime, I had a cheerful (desperate) thought. But they were so perverse that they even became self-defeating.

ME: "Who wants to go for a bike hike?"
THEM: "Me me me me me!"
ME: "Okay, everybody put your shoes on."
ME: head explodes quietly

I was getting photos ready to send to the grandparents, and I did seriously wonder for a moment whether I might be able to figure out a way to send the kids instead of their photos. But I gave that up as impractical.

Which is all to say that I have nothing remotely intelligent to ponder today. This is particularly the case as I tend to write my posts the night before, which means as I am currently writing, it is 9pm at the end of what was hands-down the LONGEST Kids-Kicked-My-Ass Wednesday of my life.

So, please forgive the lack of thinky. But my question for the day is: Do you have any suggestions for how to restrain a hurricane?


Jo said...

Uhm, maybe try and contain the hurrican to one room? Is it bad to lock children in their bedrooms?

Sorry you had such a hectic day.

LceeL said...

I used to tell Annie to "Wrap 'em up in a rug". And if they make too much noise while wrapped in said rug, to "Stand the rug in the closet and close the door." She never did. But she SHOULD have. I am STILL convinced it would have worked. And she'd have a LOT more hair today.

MIQuilter said...

You're welcome to borrow a puppy crate from me if you'd at least like to keep them separated. I love the idea of locking them in their bedrooms. However, be careful - the aspca might come after you if they find out. Just make sure they never find out.

I'm sorry you had such a bad day :(

ConverseMomma said...

I'm sending you a roll of duct tape and a bottle of Grey Goose. The drink is for you, of course. The duct tape, well, that's up to you.

Mrs F with 4 said...

Oh MommyTime, WHAT a day! Could it be that Spring is springing and their sap is rising? We had a day like that, chez Mrs F, on Tuesday. Four little Sprats (6,4,2,6mths), all raising hell and threatening dire retribution on each other for 'she's breathing on me', 'he's looking at me'. And trekking dirty snow across the newly vacuumed cream carpet (don't look at me like that, it was here when we moved in).

And discovering dead creatures in the garden (revealed by the melting snow)... including (thank you, Little Miss 2-and-I-do) an exceedingly dead and exceptionally smelly... skunk. Which she kissed to make it better (didn't work).

So I did what any normal Mummy of my acquaintance would do. I called best friend Mrs H, who arrived with an emergency chocolate delivery, coincidentally trailing her little sprats, also aged 6,4,2....

And Duct Tape.

I'm hoping that today can ONLY be better - for you!

Betsy Bird said...

Please tell us today was better!

Tara R. said...

I live in a real hurricane prone area... the Gulf Coast of Florida. About the only thing you can do is board everything up real tight, stand back and let it blow itself out... this may apply to human hurricanes too.

Blessings From Above said...

Hang in there! Not sure how to restrain a hurricane, but a martini may help the aftermath!

Sandy C. said...

Ugh, so sorry to hear. Your Wednesday sounds like my day today. We had total melt-down mode everywhere we went today :(

When I lived in Florida, I always evacuated for hurricanes. I think I may apply this tomorrow.

pb&j in a bowl said...

My suggestion on handling hurricanes. Leave kids with responsible adult. Go to nearest bar/restaurant with best friend.
Drink multiple Malibu Hurricanes. Return home after 2 legged hurricanes are sound asleep.

Mr Lady said...

2 parts Duct Tape, one part Benadryl always works for me.

MommyTime said...

Ah, EVACUATE! I never thought of that. This is what comes of never living in a Gulf state. Thank you so much, PB&J and Sandy and Tara.

Mr. Lady, I can't believe I forgot the Benadryl -- I even got some as a Christmas gift from MIQ in a little tin marked "Peace." d'Oh!

As for the Aftermath drinks -- anyone care to join me? :)

And, thanks to the many of you who sent well wishes for a better Thursday. Thursday was, indeed, much better.

MultiplesMommy said...

Mrs. F - You're hysterical! Thanks for the laugh.

MT - If it makes you feel any better, my hurricane Thursday started with the kids taking all the couch cushions off (which I've only told them NOT to do 847 times) and jumping up and down on the bare springs. As Big Sis and Minnie 2 jumped together, the balance was a little off, Minnie 2 fell, whacking her poor little nose on the bare frame of the couch so hard I thought she broke it. She comes climbing up the stairs, crying hysterically and bleeding everywhere, to be met by me (in bra and panties as I was in the middle of getting dressed) having no idea of what's going on. Just then, the doorbell rings--it's the town tax assessor, wondering if he can wander thru our house. I throw on clothes, send him away, and take said bleeding child to the doc's to discover if the nose is, in fact, broken. Luckily, it is not. But it just goes to show, that Mom is always right..."It's all fun and games 'til someone loses an eye!"

MommyTime said...

Oh, Mrs F, I forgot to add: you are my HERO and a seriously brave woman for deciding that the cure for a four-child hurricane was to invite over three more just because their Mama would come with chocolate. I'm so so so unbearably sorry that you don't live near me, because I would ABSOLUTELY bring you chocolate if it meant I could get my kids out of my house and have a conversation with someone older than four while the hurricane raged around us.

MommyTime said...

And MM, I'm very glad her nose ain't broke. And you know what they say, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." SO... I hope you didn't pay the doctor a whole heap of $$. :) Sending kisses from my Hurricane House to yours.

foolery said...

So glad to see that I wasn't the only one for whom duct tape was an immediate option. Never used it yet, but never say never.

Hoping you have three -- no, four! I almost forgot MONDAY [laughs like she knows a secret] -- days of unrestrained grown-up FUN, in a row. His-and-hurr-icanes be damned.

MommyTime said...

Foolery, can I please borrow "his and hurr-icanes" ?! That might be the best phrase EVER to describe my children. And thanks for the grown-up wishes. Pictures of tonight's BOSSY party coming soon...


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