Home AboutBest Of Reviews Subscribe BlogrollTwitter



Monday, July 21, 2008

"Take Your Feet Off The Dinner Table," and other Commonsensical Notions

I recently came from Target where I very nearly failed to purchase the item that is going to change my life. A failure that would have been entirely due to the most inane Target corporate policy you have ever heard.

But before I get ahead of myself, here is the product:
Yes, Ped Egg, not available in stores (except it is; it's just hidden). The ultimate gross-but-useful beauty secret. You use what is essentially a very fine box grater to scrape the hard callous-like skin off your heels. Then you empty the savings into the trash. Charming. But, let me tell you, if you can stand the slightly unsavory nature of the process, laws-a-mercy you will have the smoothest, the silkiest, the loveliest feet this side of six-months-old you ever saw. Ever. EV-ER. EVER. It will seriously be the best $9.95 you ever spent. EV-ER. Your feet will be gleaming, and smooth, and feel more shapely, and slide along the sheets as you get into bed, and become accessories for your most expensive shoes instead of the other way around, and everything. Smooth. Smooth. Smooth. That's what I'm talking.

I know this because my sister let me use hers once. And ever since, I've been coveting one of my own and taking a quick gander in the pedicure section at Target for one every time I'm there. But they never have one in stock, or even an empty rack to indicate that the whole world already knows this little beauty secret and has just been buying them out from under me. Unfortunately, I only ever have approximately 37 seconds to discern this, since I'm always in Target with two fractious children in tow, who are either begging to leave, or tossing unnecessary things into the cart, or running off and hiding under the clothing racks as if that doesn't give me a heart attack of nervousness that someone will kidnap them before I can haul my way over to them with my oversized cart-with-the-bucket-seats-on-the-front-that-the-kids-refuse-to-sit-in-anyway that is full of heavy things like 3 gallon jugs of laundry soap and mega-sized boxes of diapers. So there's not a lot of hunting for frivolous movie star items on my usual Target trips.

But on Friday I was in Target alone. And rather than walk slowly down every aisle, savoring the air conditioning and the lack of encumbrances company, I was trying to get in and out as quickly as possible so that I could go sit in a coffee shop and write for an hour. Having scoured the mani/pedi section thoroughly, I did the unheard of and picked up a customer service phone to ask where I might find the Ped Eggs. The nice voice on the other end of the phone made a few enquiries and told me "Aisle 32B, on the end cap." I spent a full five minutes wandering up and down Aisle 32A in the beauty products section, trying to figure out which end of it was labeled "B" before I discovered that the "B" aisles were the next whole section of the store, across one of those main thoroughfare lanes that you have to cross with as much care as a busy street.

And do you know what that section is? More beauty products? Oh no. THAT section is the KITCHEN section. Yes, folks, it's true. Target shelves the Ped Egg on the end cap of an aisle that contains henkle kitchen knives, box cheese graters, mandolins, and other slicer-dicer products.

Chuckling all the way to the checkout over the ignorance of some stock boy who saw "egg" on the product name and a grater in the packaging, and shelved this among kitchen items, I decided to do my good deed for the day and tell the Customer Service counter that they had a shelving snafu -- and that perhaps they would sell more Ped Eggs to harried mothers of ill-behaved children (who I am quite sure are the primary demographic in Ped Egg's advertising portfolio) if the products were located with the other files, buffers, scrubbers, polishes, and foot lotions.

The lady in Customer Service was very nice. She laughed with me over the whole thing. And then she said I was completely right, but that Corporate decided where things were shelved, and this item is technically NOT shelved in the kitchen section but on the end cap devoted to "As Seen on TV" products. So, even though there is a giant horizontal wall of the rubber handled KitchenAid tools that fill your kitchen drawers facing the end cap of this aisle of knives and slicers that is directly under the red "KITCHEN" sign in my Target, this little end cap does not count as the kitchen section. It counts as the "Products for TV Suckers" section.

This is precisely why all the Ped Egg websites brag that their product is "not sold in stores." I bet I'm the very first person who has ever bought a Ped Egg in Target. Because, seriously, who looks in the kitchen section for a product with giant silhouettes of feet on the packaging? I don't know about you, but I like to keep my foot hygiene practices and my cooking pretty well separated by the entire length of my body whenever possible. I won't be storing my Ped Egg in my kitchen drawers. And I'm guessing anyone shopping for knives or cheese graters really doesn't care to imagine doing serious culinary work with a device designed to shave heels.

Though I can't help but wonder if (and secretly hope that) some dumb college kid, eager to replicate his mother's deviled eggs and feel a bit closer to home, has purchased a Ped Egg and raved to his friends about the creamy texture it produced when he shaves those boiled yolks and then mixes them with mayo, mustard and paprika. Yummmmm.

30 comments:

Juli said...

OK that's freaky, b/c I just posted about my crazy anti-obsession with feet. I have a weird aversion to them. I should totally buy one of these things, I know my feet would totally thank me. I've seen them at WalMart by the registers, too!

And LMAO about the college kid. That SO sounds like something my DH would do. ;)

MamaGeek said...

Ha! Things I have thought but have not said. Girl, you READ my mind with this post. I'm so shamelessly buying one. :)

zoeyjane said...

Yup. I neeeeeed one of those. Especially after your potential intimation of baby butt to feet comparison. I don't think my feet have felt like an infant's tooshie since I had my own.

Tara R. said...

I was just at Tar-jay this weekend. Had a cart stacked full and only when the cashier had completely rung up my stuff, did I realize that I had left my wallet at home. Maybe it was fate's way of saying 'you don't need this crap.' That egg thingy though, that looks cool, but I'll never think about devil eggs the same way again.

LceeL said...

There is something very sexy about the way you said "slide along the sheets as you get into bed". Just gave me goosebumps, it did.

Such is the mind of a Dirty Old Man.

Suz Broughton said...

As soon as we start to see tampons in the freezer section, I'm outa there! But for now, I can live with their "snafu." Target has done so much for me. I am forever indebted to its Icee machine (Which, btw, you should use as the ultimate kid briber. my kids would sit still in a cart filled with wild, flesh-eating piranhas if they know they were getting an Icee.)

Aimeepalooza said...

Funny. I saw the commercial and I want one. But, it does kind of gross me out seeing that lady dump her foot skin into the trash.
I am sucker for things not found in stores. I totally want the sham-wow. I was a swimmer and didn't use a towel, I used a shammy or shamy or shammie or whatever. They are great! Oops I just went off on a different subject. Sorry.

Kelly said...

Two things, FIRST, I had that egg in my grasp and I am now ashamed to admit that I put it back worried that someone in line behind me might glance down at my heels and see that I REALLY DO NEED it!! I am getting it next time fo sho!

And Second, Paleese tell me you are coming over to my Word Of Mouth Monday Carnival (today is day #1)with this post, it is perfect and really, the world needs to know!!

Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy said...

I noticed that all the infomercial items were grouped together near the coffee makers but didn't know it was a corporate decision.

I don't like feet and think the sight of all the dead skin would make me gag. But I do like my own feet to be smooth. There may be a trip to Bed, Bath and Beyond in my future.

And hear hear to the alone time in the coffee shop!

Domestic Spaz said...

I pink puffy heart my Ped Egg. I bought it at Walgreens and they keep theirs in the appropriate section, though!

Kitchen products and foot products do NOT go together.

nicole said...

I recently bought one of these at Walgreens. And while I was afraid I might hate dumping out the shavings, I absoultely love the thing. Though it seems to have gotten lost in the reorganizing my husband recently did.

Steph said...

The farking movers packed mine up!! Those rats. The Ped Egg is so good, though, that I'm going to Walgreen's for a new one.

drowningindoghair said...

I have oft wondered if the Ped Egg would work, since I am usually averse to buying anything with the "As Seen on TV" label, but I just purchased one two weeks ago, and I love it. It's not a miracle worker, but it works better than anything else I've found. Plus it's a lot less messy than regular foot files.

P.S. Another ASOTV item that rocks is the Vidalia Chopper. Great for cutting eggs, pickles, tomatoes, etc. Look for it in the foot aisle.

Mekhismom said...

I have one of these. I picked mine up at the local Walgreens, it was right in the front so I didn't have to look at all. You are right about it working miracles an if you pair it with a good foot cream - absolute Heaven!

I am visiting you by way of MommyPie and BlogHerNot.

Asianmommy said...

Hmm..I'll have to check out our Target kitchen aisle.

San Diego Momma said...

I know! I've seen the Ped Egg in with Target's kitchen implements.

Because NOTHING is more appetizing than imagining skin flakes as coconut sprinkles.

(What? I'm sorry. When my laptop cord exploded last night, it took my brain with it.)

Simply Shannon said...

Too funny! I've seen the "As seen on TV" section zillions of times, but never paid much attention to the products. It does seem pretty silly to put foot products along with food related items. Bizarre.

Momo Fali said...

I live in flip-flops in the summer. I desperately need one of these...and so help me, if I find it in the kitchen section I will laugh out loud in your honor!

Megan said...

I work at Staples, where we also sell PedEggs and people are always eagerly like, "Wow, you have no idea how happy I am to find this here!" Which always makes me vaguely embarrassed (okay, really embarrassed) for them. We don't sell it near any kitchen items or food products, however, and THANK GOD!

Congrats on the moosh and Whoorl contest, by the way!!

Amy said...

Seriously, in the kitchen section? Eww! Looks like something that I definitely need but I am not giving up my pedicures. They are about the only amount of sane/me time I get!

MommyTime said...

Mamageek, you should buy one! No shame involved. My feet have never been so happy. Juli, Zoeyjane, Kelly: get one too! Seriously.

Aimeepalooza, I've always wanted one of those towels! Always! Where do you get them?

Suz, genius idea about the icee. I'll remember that next time.

Drowning, you are very funny. I'll look for that slicer/dicer next time I'm picking out a new polish color.

Mekhismom, thanks so much for the visit and the comment! It's nice to meet you.

Megan, and now you know why everyone is so happy to find them there: they can't find them anywhere else!

Good N Crazy said...

My sister swears by that thing, and promises she will be buying one for my birthday! Oh joy.

And...I just added you to my twitterness? Rogbark...

ONLY because I saw your hair, I bow to your hairness...over from moosh.

Anonymous said...

Walgreens and CVS have been selling them for MONTHS.

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

My feet are so bad I have rooster spurs.

I greatly appreciate this tip, and so does everyone subjected to the sight of my feet on a daily basis.

Auds at Barking Mad said...

I don't know about this. I've seen them at Target, in the kitchen-wares section no less (ewwwww), and I just can't get past the fact that when I empty the thing after using it, it's going to look like so much grated parmesan. I'm pretty sure I'd never be able to eat freshly grated parmesan at my favourite little Italian bistro again!

I do suppose it's better than those fish they're touting in D.C. the ones that eat the dead skin off of your feet.

How many different kind of ewwwwww is THAT?

Jaina said...

I am so glad to hear that these work so well. I'm definitely going to buy one. I saw them on tv but wondered if they really did any good. In lieu of the pedicure that I never quite seem to manage to get, I'll spend $10 on this Ped Egg and my feet will love me again. Thanks for the recommendation, I'm super excited to go to the store now!

MultiplesMommy said...

I just want you to know that, thanks to your last paragraph, I CHOKED on the grape I was eating and almost DIED. All for your feet and a clueless college boy. :-) I did, however, need the giggle, so you're forgiven.

Kimmylyn said...

I puffy heart my Pedi Egg.. you are so right.. best $9.95 ever.. and thanks to Target where I can get just about anything!!!

lattemommy said...

Ok, on my next cross-border Tar-jay marathon, I'm totally scouring the kitchen section for that baby. It looks kinda scary, but anything for soft feet!

Mr Lady said...

I have been LUSTING after those things. Now, I must have one. Oh yes, it WILL be mine.

 

Blog Design by JudithShakes Designs.
Image Hosting by Flickr.