Why is it that the Dog, who can barely hear me when I shout at her to STOP CHASING THAT RABBIT, can be sound asleep, upstairs, under covers, and yet still hear me drop a single bite of soft leftover sandwich into her dog bowl in the kitchen?
How is it possible for the very same pair of blue jeans to be too small in the waist at the front and miiiiiles too big in the waist at the back? Who are they making these pants for? Do skinny women with pre-pubescent boy abs really have that much back fat?
On a related note: why do the makers of pants in general assume that a woman with hips must by default have no waistline? If I had a dime for every pair of pants I've tried on that was too big in the waist when it fit in the hips, I would have enough money to hire a tailor to make me some custom pants. (And when I say too big, I don't mean a wee bit loose. I mean that the zipper is completely superfluous because you can basically see right down into the pants and assess my underwear, even when the pants are all buttoned up.) I don't want mom jeans. I just want some pants that are not shaped like I'm a 13 year old girl, straight down from waist to hips. I really shouldn't have to make my own pants to get them to fit, should I?
And, finally, how in the world do they learn how to do this without falling and breaking their noses, or strangling to death in the process?