Diary of a 30-Day Shred

Day 1: This isn't so hard. Are you sure this thing is working? My arms aren't even sore.

Bedtime on Day 1: I am an old old lady. My knee is so sore that I just took a glucosamine tablet. It's true: the medicine we give our aging dog to help out her stiff joints has become my new best friend. That and a pair of ibuprofen. Is it possible that I'm just so efficient at exercise that it only takes me ONE day to completely shred my body, instead of 30?

Day 2: Limp limp limp. Limp limp limp. Where is the modified version of these exercises for people who are sub-beginner? Is this woman crazy? Her plan destroys your body. It ought to be called the "30-Day Knee Shredder." The only parts of my body that don't hurt are my fingers, toes and ears.

Day 3: At work 9am-9pm. That's enough shredding for one day, especially since it took a lot of muscle control not to hobble visibly everywhere I went.

Day 4: Skip the Shred, run instead. When 40 minutes of running and sprints feels easier than a 20-minute video, what does that mean?

Day 5: "I am lazy lazy lazy in the morning...I am lazy lazy lazy in the evening..." (Make up your own tune. If it's not too much work.)

Day 6: If my kids can do this Shred, I can. Seriously? The toddler can do crunches with one ankle propped up on her knee. How come she's not sore?

Day 7: Swam a half-mile. Also sat in the hot tub to try to make my muscles forget that I'm torturing them on off-days from the gym.

Day 8: What is a one-word substitute for the gym, the 30-day Shred, calorie counting, and healthy eating? SNOWSTORM. (Two hours of shoveling = nearly 900 calories burned.)

Day 9: Resting on my snowstorm laurels, I do nothing. I suck. Whatever. I did spend a lot of time making a Super Spy outfit for a teddy bear.

Day 10: No Shred. Mondays are the twelve hour work day. Excuses excuses.

Day 11: Running like a fiend: 1 mile hill walk; 1.25 mile run; 3 sprints; cool down = 45 minutes of aerobic exercise. Also? Less painful than the Shred.

Days 12-15: Shovel. Shovel. Shovel. You can't even believe how much snow we're getting. I have blisters on my palms, created through my gloves, from so much shoveling.

Days 16-30: If even just keeping up with this daily log is too much, how do you expect me to exercise too? I did do the video one more time somewhere in here, but I couldn't tell you where. I ran a few times and swam a few times and spent a lot of time steaming myself in the steam room at the gym, with its lovely eucalyptus scented steam.

Tally: In 30 days, I did the Shred video four times. This video did not make me lose weight or get me more toned. Do with that what you will.

Conclusion: The 30-day Shred is for suckers. Or people who have more motivation than me.

New Goal: I'm going to try again in February. Given that I've already wasted five days of this month, and it only has 28 days to begin with, I think perhaps this more modest goal of making the 30-day Shred into a 23 day one might just happen. *snort*

Anyone with a magic pill for keeping motivated to exercise every day, please contact me. Will consider all reasonable offers, and am prepared for in-kind trade of gently used exercise videos in exchange.