"Raised by Wolves" Seems About Right...Except that I'm His Mother

I don't know if this is a nearly-six-year-old thing, or a boy-child thing, or a mind-is-always-off-somewhere-dreaming thing. Or perhaps it's just a bad parenting thing, and I'm unwilling to own it. But here it is:

My Son cannot seem to use his fork for the duration of one single meal.

Tonight at dinner, it was necessary to issue nearly constant reminders to him to stop picking up his spaghetti with his fingers. His neglected fork lay forlornly near his plate, as he picked up noodles, absent-mindedly swung them around a little, and then finally deposited them in his mouth.

Every time I reminded him, mostly gently, to use his fork please, he would look up in slight surprise and say, "oh, I forgot." And then he would dutifully use the fork for the next bite or two, and then forget again.

Seriously, it was deplorable and embarrassing.

The carnage under his chair at the end of the meal would have handily beat your adorable, just-learning-to-eat toddler's best efforts.

The only reason I'm even admitting this is that I need someone to tell me either (a) you have a child like this too; (b) he will grow out of this before his wedding day; or (c) there is something I should be doing dramatically differently in the Teaching Table Manners department, and you know what that something is and can tell me how to do it. (Also, it does help explain why I need a clear vinyl table cover over my good cloth for daily use.)

I have posted the mutually-defined house rules and tried a reward system whereby children who remember to use their forks at dinner get "chips," collections of which are redeemable for all sorts of wonderful prizes. I have asked nicely and not-so-nicely. I have explained about manners and their importance, and I have followed through on the consequences for bad manners. I have explained about what silverware is and isn't for. I have even twirled the spaghetti up onto the fork myself and left the fully-loaded utensil sitting on his plate for him to pick up and use.

Nothing.

I must not be a complete imbicile in the teaching department given that Daughter, who is two years younger, uses her utensils quite reliably. And yet, I cannot manage to get this boy to use a fork at dinner.

Admittedly, some foods are more utensil-obvious than others: he does not dive into yogurt, applesauce or soup with his hands. But anything that can be picked up with fingers -- broccoli, beans, salad, bites of chicken, pasta of all shapes, tomatoes, carrot sticks, bites of scrambled egg, waffle, berries, cucumber -- basically, any food that is not a liquid will, at some point during the meal, become finger food. I get it with carrot sticks. And I see the slippery slope that those provide: what's the difference, really, between carrot sticks, grapes, or apple slices, and a salad? If the former are obviously finger foods, then why isn't the latter?

The mothers of well-mannered children out there will no doubt be horrified by this little confession of mine, which surely smacks of the sort of incompetent parenting that leads young children to leave the house without closing the door or to refuse to hug a visiting relative. And, honestly, I don't blame you if you don't want to visit.

But there is something else at stake in the whole eating thing for him besides politeness. He is very good with the unprompted "yes, please" and "no, thank you." He is generally very thoughtful.

He just can't remember, after living nearly six years on this earth, that there is a thing such as a fork next to his plate and that it is intended to be a food-delivery device to his mouth.

Got any suggestions? Something must change before my parents come to stay for the holidays in a few weeks and comment (again) on his astonishing lack of basic eating etiquette.