"Vacation" should be spelled w-a-r-m-a-t-l-a-s-t

This post is dedicated to McMommy, whose choice of a Snuggie as a White Elephant gift got me thinking...

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before that I don't have the most glamorous of offices. It's a 1960s-era cinderblock room with green Steelcase furnishings that have been there for about 50 years (Thanks, Retro Office, for the photo at right. I know you call this stuff "honest furniture," and it is, but I can't really see anyone willingly paying $599 for a refurbished desk like this. And if anyone wants to: anyone, are you listening? call me.)

But today, it's not about the furniture. It's about the fact that even with a wee bit of work left to do at home, I'm delighted not to have to work in the office for the next two weeks.

Because when I sit at that desk in my swank professorial office, I very nearly get chilblains.

I have decided that job offers in our building should come with a Snuggie for a welcome present. Sure, I know they are mockable almost beyond belief. But my office is so chilly that I have to keep a spare fleece in there to wear over the sweater I already have on. I drink way too much coffee because I have to seek out cups just to keep warm. And I'm a lucky one. The people who have offices with windows have rooms that are so cold that you when you walk into them from the interior hallways, you feel physically startled by the chill in the air. In my large lecture classes, my students wear their coats and hats throughout much of December and January, and occasionally we can see our breath. Yes, INSIDE the lecture hall.

How great would it be if, instead of the endless numb hands and cold noses, THIS were me working at my desk?


Do you think it would undermine my authority with my students too much? And how do I balance that concern with the clear fact that SHE up there is so happy typing away. So cozy. So not freezing to death inch by inch in her office.

Couldn't THIS be me at a committee meeting?

We have weird couches and a strangely intrusive coffee table in our faculty lounge, where so many of these meetings happen. How great if we could all be warm there as well!

And just think if THIS were me dealing with the student lapses in academic honesty:

Okay, so it's not strictly a Snuggie. But it basically looks exactly like a Snuggie worn backwards. And seriously no one would question his authority.

So I think what I'm saying is that academic job offers should come with a Snuggie in a color of your choice, and then with tenure, you should get the light sabre and the instructions on how to wear your Snuggie Jedi-style.

And then Snuggie should come and film its next infomercial in my building. Win-win all around. Even for you. Because with this guy pontificating while wearing a Snuggie?


College just got on the fast-track to hilarious.