Very Short but Heartfelt Letters

Dear Julie and Julia,

Poached eggs are not all that. Sure, they taste nice. But they're not so hard to cook that it requires a celebration over every forkful. And they are that hard to clean up. Have you ever tried to scrub albumen out of the tiny crevices of T-Rex feet? And don't tell me that your directions for poaching eggs don't include using dinosaur cookie cutters as a substitute for egg rings. How else do you expect me to get my three-year-old to try them?

Sincerely,
Gourmom

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Dear Scotch-Brite Greener Clean Scrubbing Pads,

You rock my world.

Love,
A Mom who Eggsperiments

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Dear Winter,

Could we get some snow here, please? I'm sure there are some people just a bit south of us, or a few hundred miles east who would gladly give up their next storm for our benefit.

Thanks,
Cold-but-not-sledding

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Dear Inventor of Cabin Fever,

Really, you shouldn't have.

Really.

Truly yours,

My-children-need-to-burn-off-some-energy-but-it's-too-cold-for-the-playground-and-there-isn't-enough-snow-for-winter-sports-or-games-and-it's-making-us-all-crazy (But you can call me EveryMama for short)

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Dear 1970s House Builder,

When you installed just one bathtub in a four-bedroom, three-bathroom house, what exactly was the rationale for choosing a tub so short that a prone adult could not fit into it, and so shallow that the peaks of the mountains created by bent knees towered miles above the clouds of bubbles? I'm not especially demanding, but when I need Calgon to take me away, it would be nice if I could feel more like I was floating off on a sea of relaxing bubbles and less like a pretzel dipped into the requisite hot water bath prior to baking.

Yours grumpily,
Mostly-wet Mama

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Dear Crunchy/Feminist Bookstore,

You, with your steamed-milk-and-spices drinks? You are awesome. Nothing remedies the chill of winter like my knock-off of your concoctions. Well, a good snowball fight or a nice long soak in a hot tub might. But failing those? I'll take steamed milk with honey, vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg, and cardamom any day.

Thanks for teaching me what might be the most practical thing I learned in seven years of graduate school.

Fondly,

Finally Unwinding