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Monday, May 10, 2010

On the Joys of Food: Random Questions Edition

How does Trader Joe's afford to put out a regular newspaper of current offerings? And mail it to customers free of charge?

Even newspapers can't afford to put out newspapers anymore, and they run advertising.

Sure, the Trader Joe's newspaper IS advertising, but I can't imagine that it garners enough return on the investment to be worth the production. Sort of like a real newspaper. But without the news and with more goofy psuedo-Victorian cartoons.

* * * * *

How well does that Master Cleanse diet work anyway? And really, 10-14 days? That seems like a very long time to live on nothing but lemon-water spiked with maple syrup and cayenne pepper, even if you are ingesting some calories thanks to the syrup.

If the information about the diet didn't sound quite so much like a cross between a cult and propaganda supporting anorexia, I might be inclined to take it a little more seriously. After all, I actually feel like my innards could use a good cleanse. But while it's touted as a program that "rests the digestive system and allows the body to heal [and] eliminate toxins," the promotional material also trumpets right up front that "Every day of The Master Cleanse that you overcome the psychological need to eat, you feel a growing sense of control that motivates you to complete the process."

Seriously? Isn't relishing the control that enables one to "overcome the psychological need to eat" precisely what lands young girls in hospitals because they are eating a fried egg on half a slice of toast and calling that their meal for the week?

Shouldn't this program be a crime?

* * * * *

Who willingly fills out a 27 question survey in order to register a product for a warranty? Especially a survey that asks about leisure activity preferences, annual household income, contemplated upcoming large purchases, brands of major appliances, spending habits on optional goods, gender and ages of your children, your education background, major credit cards you own, and whether you rent or own your home. Among other things. Twenty-seven questions. To sign up for the warranty on a $30 ice cream maker.

The real question is: if I only fill out the three questions that are actually relevant to the warranty (you know, the ones about my name and address and the serial number of the model I bought), will Cuisinart deny me the warranty because I didn't tell them my birthday, marital status, and income?

* * * * *

And, perhaps most importantly: how does anyone get psychologically primed to give up all those great Trader Joe's cheeses, the whole grain crusty bread, the creamy goodness of home-made double-ginger ice cream, roasted asparagus in season, the first grilled steak of the summer lovingly prepared by one's husband, and all the other culinary delights of the world, in order to drink lemon-cayenne-syrup water for two weeks? Frankly, in my world, this just cannot be done.

And, I'm thinking, it might be morally wrong even to try.

What is the point of life if we cannot sustain our souls as we feed our bodies, foster strong and practical relationships to food as we nurture our children's healthy body image, indulge our senses as we model the joys of eating well?

Pass the double-ginger, please.


Fawn said...

I think timing is everything for a cleanse. I'm thinking of doing this one, suggested by a dear friend of my who is a naturopathic doctor. MUCH more reasonable (and probably not a bad idea just to make this one's regular diet...) But not while I'm so overtaxed and overwhelmed. So in a few years. ;)

Surfer Jay said...

Oh oh, I know I know! I worked at Trader Joe's. And I can tell you how they can afford the frequent flyer. They work us 39.5 hours a week, that way they don't have to pay medical (and start time was 4:00am, complaint for another post though) Really, I kid you not.

Suburban Kamikaze said...

Excellent questions.
The correct answer is C. Marketing


MomZombie said...

All good points to ponder. Maybe I should apply for a job at Trader Joe's publishing. Or, maybe I could go into the master cleansing business.
BTW, it was so great to meet you in real life and along with Ms. Bossy!

A Modern Mother said...

Now you are really making me homesick. I wish we had a Trader Joes here. I love those pretzels with peanut butter.


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